The Story
by Seosh
Summary: How everything played out over the course of twenty years. !Now Complete!
1. Prologue

**A/N:** SCHOOL'S OUT! Now I have time to write again. Sorry for my absence, been on a very long hiatus… didn't realize it was so long. Anyways I hope you enjoy this.

Also check out my collaboration piece (Christmas Time) with Anonymous033, our Penname is PaperclipHearts. Visit my profile page to access it. Anyways… on to it now.

**Story is set twenty years from now.**

**Summary: **How everything played out over the course of twenty years through Ziva's eyes.

**Spoilers:** From Season 6 up, touch on the major episodes like (Last Man Standing, Aliyah, ToC etc.)

**Disclaimer:** Don't own it, and probably never will. Haha.

_**The Story**_

.::.

**I. Prologue**

"_In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life.  
It goes on."  
__**-Robert Frost**_

.::.

Today was just like any other day; the sun was out from its little corner shining ever so brightly and the birds were high up in the trees while they chirped away ever so joyously. The aroma of coffee being brewed and freshly baked pastries that flooded the streets did not disappoint either; proven so by businessmen with bellies way too big to be considered safe. They savored each bite of the rich, sugary treat they called breakfast as they rushed through the crowd to catch the train.

Amidst it all, alone on the alcove of a café observing her surroundings, sat a stunning woman, her once smooth, delicate skin are now etched with wrinkles and scars. She dressed sophisticatedly yet casually in a pair of denim jeans and a tight fitting brown shirt and finished with a worn-out apple green coat. She looked like any other person on the street, but she is nothing but.

She's sat there every day for the past two years. The same seat, same table, same order.

What had happened to her?

Had she given up?

Her name is _Ziva David_ and this is _her_ story.

.::.

So that's the beginning, not much happening yet but next chapter we'll get right into it, and you'll have to read until the last chapter to know what's happening up there ^^. Reviews will be very much appreciated =). I'll post Chapter One up tomorrow.

-Ash


	2. 20 Years Ago

**20 Years Ago**

.::.

"_Just living is not enough. One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower."  
__**-Hans Christian Andersen**_

**.::.**

She never thought it would've ended this way, she knew she shouldn't have done it. It was a huge disastrous mistake to have kept Michael a secret to the team, but she just wanted to live a little. It was kind of fun until everything went downhill, and suddenly she found herself so deep into the relationship that she felt like she was drowning in an endless pit, her only lifeline gone. She felt constrained to the life she had settled into, it was true that her life here in America was a million times better then when she was in Israel; a hot sticky arid land that left her just that. She had come to know this land, this wonderful land that was the United States of America, and she became accustomed to its culture and its people. And she loved every single bit of it.

So when she returned back to Israel after then Director, Leon Vance had split them up, all in search for a mole, she did not know why she fell in love with Michael and why she chose him. Maybe it was just convenience that he was her partner in missions and that he was always there, that he had her back. But he wasn't like Tony, Michael didn't react with witty remarks and most of the time he just used _her_ as his cover.

She could've blame it all on her father, for he had set Michael up on a mission to lure her back to his arms, to set her straight in a way; or she could face the fact that she had grown weak in the foreign land that she had called home for the last few years, and the insecurities that she was faced with when in her homeland scared her, like all of a sudden she was thrown into a cage of hungry tigers eager to attack her, there was no longer Tony on her six everywhere she went, he wouldn't be there to stand behind her and fight those tigers away.

Upon arrival back at NCIS headquarters, it felt like a wind of familiarity had hit her, like a button was switched on and turned her out of her idle mode; or it could've possibly just been Abby who raced at her and enveloped her in a bone crushing hug. She found herself spaced out, not quite sure of what to feel at this for she has never been treated like this before, never been missed so much that it hurt to return. Abby had carried on and on and on about how she was so glad that she was back and how horrible it was here without her and the rest of the team, and that she couldn't wait until they were a whole big team again; at least once Tony arrived back from the testosterone-filled ship named the _SeaHawk_.

It took her awhile to settle back into the American way of life, it was easy to rid of her old routines like being able to wake up at 0600 rather than 0500; her cargo pants were no longer a necessary and she felt a whole lot more comfortable in her own skin. And when everything started to come to her again like an old friend you hadn't seen in years, she felt her heart drop like it was being tugged on by a stubborn child. Her gaze fell upon the empty desk across from her. She felt a part of her missing, like the corner of the room where you could've always counted on to protect you, and it was no longer there, the only source of warmth and comfort had disappeared. And she came to a conclusion that she did in fact miss Tony greatly, and she felt out of character when a tear threatened to break the barriers. She pushed it back and sighed.

.::.

A/N: It's not particularly long but I hoped you liked it. So there'll be at least 19 Chapters to come, doing one for each year (I think)… Anyways Thanks a million for all reading! Reviews always appreciated (keeps me writing)!

-Ash


	3. 19 Years Ago

**19 Years Ago**

.::.

"_Keep love in your heart.  
A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.  
The consciousness of loving and being loved  
brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring."  
__**-Oscar Wilde**_

.::.

She was right the moment she felt herself doubt her actions. She shouldn't have trusted Michael, she found herself so deep that she didn't know who to trust or what to do, like coming to a cross road and not sure whether to turn right or left, but yet she still chose the dark dead path leading to nothing but more darkness.

So she chose to lie to the people that have welcomed her and made her feel safe, and what was sad was that she couldn't even lie to Abby, Gibbs or Tim; because she knew if she did she'd hurt them greatly, Abby and Tim were too innocent to be put into that position and Gibbs… he had four ex-wives! It was clear he didn't liked being lied to and cheated on. That left only one option, Tony. She knew Tony as well as she knew herself, they had always had a connection on an entirely different virtual level whether she'd liked to admit it or not. And so she lied to Tony, told him nothing was wrong, that Michael had not killed those people in LA.

She didn't want to lie to him, she'd thought it would've been easy to lie to his face, that it wouldn't be as bad as she could imagine. She was wrong; it was incredibly difficult to look into his sparkling green eyes filled with hope and tell him false information. And she found that in the process she may have hurt herself more than hurt him.

The man that stood in front of her had trusted her and through the years they had slowly grown closer, like a fragile bridge that fitted together perfectly and if one brick were to be removed it would've collapsed pulling not only them but the world itself down with them. And that's what she did when she lied to him, she pulled the little brick out of place and it all tumbled down. Everything gone. And that is why she had gone and stayed back in Israel, it wasn't because she was mad at him, it was because she couldn't face him. He held on to her when the bridge tumbled down into the vicious waters but she let go of him, and she wouldn't make him dive in to save her, a killer like her did not deserve that.

A long tiring four months later she found herself in the exact situation that she had abandoned and thought that was gone forever, a chapter of her life that she hated to be forgotten. But there he sat, in front of her. The same eyes stared at her in dismay, the same smile that graced his face back when they were still partners. And though she wanted to slap him silly for coming after her, she was somewhat glad; instead _she _received a hard slap onto the back of her head, one that could've challenged Gibbs'. It wasn't a physical slap but a sudden realization as to where she went wrong, every wrong turn she took into the dark wilderness that left her in a dead, dirty isolated place; he had followed, trekked the thousands of miles to reach her and save her.

And she regretted the words that left her mouth that day, "_You should not have come"; _she couldn't face the fact that after all she had put him through that he was still here. From there on she found her answer, there was no one who could replace Tony, if he hadn't pursued and insisted that they went to get vengeance for her then she'd be most likely dead, her body in the dark cold cell, partly rotted and gone by the animal scavengers. And no one would've known what had happened to her and how she died or worse, why she died.

She was to a degree relieved and partly angry on the flight back to DC. Relieved that it was her family from America that had saved her, showed her what family really was, showed her that no one will be left behind. She was angry at her father, at Malachi, they left her there to die, after god knows how long she'd been stuck in that cell, they could've just knocked on the door and saved her, but they didn't. But after hours of contemplation she came to terms that she was actually angry at herself. She allowed all of this to happen to her; she let it all go too far.

And just like the year before, when she arrived at NCIS headquarters the same familiar wind comforted her, or it could also be Abby once again. She wasn't sure how to react to it all, all she knew was this would be it. Israel and everything there left her, so she will leave it all behind. She found her resolve and it was to gain everything she'd lost… back.

.::.


	4. 18 Years Ago

**18 Years Ago**

.::.

"_Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.  
The important thing is not to stop questioning."  
__**-Albert Einstein**_

.::.

It takes nearly a whole year for everything to be settled down and for the trust between Ziva and the team to be re-linked. Just as expected when she arrived back from Somalia, Gibbs had found it hard to trust her again, sure he thought of her as a daughter but he had thought she'd changed after she killed her brother in his basement; that she'd wanted to be a better person, better then a killer. But whatever progress she had started was blemished by her lies. She found it hard as she made the first move to talk to Gibbs, she felt like a child who had broken a valuable vase and had to face the consequences of it. The chisel she had brought with her was nothing more than just a distraction, a "Plan B" if needed.

She wasn't surprised when Gibbs lashed out at her about her past and actions, but what she was surprised with was when he hugged her, she had expected him to walk away and abandon her like she has been a dozen times over, and it felt good, like being able to let your guard down and depend on another. And though he seemed to have forgiven her immediately on the spot, she sensed there was still a slight hesitation on his part. But she was happy that he begun to, at least start to trust her once again.

Tim was second on her list to talk to, because to be honest Abby was nice yesterday but when she turned serious she knew she would be confronted and she just wasn't prepared for that. And Tony was out of the question, her stubborn pride had always stopped her, it was like she kept throwing knives at him but he took each stab and continued to pursue her, and it scared the shit out of her.

She was scared of being loved, really loved, one where they would cross oceans and deserts for. And those words, "_I couldn't live without you, I guess"; _It petrified her that there is someone out there that depends on her for their living and joy. And to add to it, she knew it was the truth. She was put through the _truth serum_ numerous of times when she was held captive. It really hit her that she was actually quite heartless after all, she thought it was her strength that managed to fight the serum in her system but in actual fact it was because she had nothing of any worth to Saleem. Tony on the other hand had succumbed so easily to share information willingly because Saleem had gotten to him, found something that he cared dearly for. He had told him what he wanted to hear because he wanted to protect them, like jumping in front of a bullet to save them, and that was something she never had the heart to do, sacrifice herself for others.

Tim was an easy target, he was too gullible and would've believed anything she had said, and she knew this. That's why she respected him, because if she had lied to him it would've been like lying to an innocent child. And she just didn't have the heart to do that either, not to Tim, someone who had became more of a brother to her then Ari ever had.

She wasn't wrong when Abby had called her down to her lab. She was hit with a wave of anger and frustration when she entered. Abby was like a gentle dove in her way, she disliked the thought of distrust and hurting others; and she wasn't afraid to show it. All the words that were spilled out onto the floor for her to see took awhile before it all sunk in. Abby was right, as always. The ball was in her court now, and Tony led by one, and the game hadn't even started. Ziva made a promise to herself then that she would never hurt Abby again, she couldn't stand to see those eyes stare at her in dismay and disappointed. That she has learnt.

It seemed there was no right time of the day to ever talk to Tony, so she settled on the idea to approach him when he hit the head. She followed him, a few paces behind, far enough that he wouldn't have noticed. She entered and locked the door silently so she wouldn't pull attention to herself. She stood there for a few moments before he turned and acknowledged her presence. She made a witty remark and regretted it immediately; this was not the time for it. She found herself beating around the bush as she tried to find an entrance to start a conversation and failed miserably. Instead he found an opening on his first attempt and it was as if she had lowered her shield and sword, unsure why she did so, but it felt that she could and should trust him not to attack her.

It wasn't as scary as she had anticipated when she thought of their encounter in her head. Her prepared speech all but gone and she found herself saying words she had not intended to, it was supposed to be a "Sorry and Thank You" but it had turned into something more. And when he apologized she realized he had nothing to apologize for, he was not at fault. And she had to know he knew that too, that it was her fault and she should be the one who should apologize.

She glanced up to look at his face, he registered everything pretty well, but she could tell something in his head was turning. Amidst it all she found herself locked onto his eyes, and it brought back flashbacks of every time she saw those eyes glisten in the light and how they changed from a deep emotional colour to a light and mischievous one. And she knew it'd be okay and all she could do was hope for everything to grow, and rebuild the once fallen bridge…

.::.

A/N: All mistakes are mine and I apologize for them.


	5. 17 Years Ago

**17 Years Ago**

.::.

"_Nobody can go back and start a new beginning,  
but anyone can start today and make a new ending"  
__**-Maria Robinson**_

.::.

Over the past year the team had grown ever closer, definitely closer then where they were four years ago. And though Ziva wished that she could go back in time and skip through all the pain, she knew she couldn't. All she had the power to do was guide her future; there wasn't any point for her to replay the past all she would've achieved was nothing. She was actually fearful at the thought of going back in time, if she could that was, because what if everything had turned out worse? Would she be guaranteed to be where she was now?

It occurred to Ziva that the past few years were probably more eventful then her childhood and lead up to her arrival at America could've possibly exposed her to. She truly discovered herself here in the land of the free and the home of the brave, prior to her days here she was whoever controlled her, she was trained at a young age not to feel, to be heartless and to only have one objective, and that was to kill. And now she was an investigator, what an irony that she investigated killers, murderers and assassinators; exactly who she was before.

Gibbs, Tony, McGee and Abby taught her that, taught her how important it was to sympathize and empathize. Because when she knew how it felt like, her perspective changed dramatically, like being spun around in a mirror house, there were so many reasons and alternatives. Suddenly ethics came into play, what was right and what was wrong. These people around her that she now called family helped her to be human. And that's why she owed them the world.

Throughout the year she found herself began to trust those around her again, she learnt to forgive and forget. But when her father arrived out of nowhere in this land where he despised, where his two children had left him, she was furious. And when she found herself in her darkest hour, one man was there, he supported and comforted her. He didn't even noticed how much his presence helped her through the toughest of times, and it all came naturally as if it were instincts that led him to do so.

Gradually, Tony was over at hers more often than what would be deemed regular, and they fell back into place like rowing a boat; they were in perfect synchronization and always on the same page. Movie nights became more often and Ziva shared things that were hidden and pushed to the far dark corners of her heart. Events and experiences she had never shared with anyone ever, and she was grateful that he never left. Instead he took her in his arms and hugged her when he should've stared at her, disgusted and left.

Suddenly the immature man that always talked about his one-night stands and referenced any movie possible became a soft, gentle, compassionate man and she had never seen him like this before. And through several hours they bonded, not only had he learned things about her, but she uncovered deep secrets of his too.

Her past conjectures at why he was who he was today confirmed. His mother's death had affected him more than he showed, he told her how every time he saw a girl that looked like his mother he'd walked away, he just couldn't face someone that he had purely and truly loved so much. She pictured a young Tony unaware as to what had happened to his mother, his father had left him, never told him what really happened. And it was not until he was in his mid teens that he found out his mother had died from an illness. He was hurting for all those years; he had thought his mother had left him because she just didn't love him anymore.

How he yearned for his father's attention throughout all of his childhood but was rejected and pushed further, all he ever wanted was a normal life. After that, he began to put up a façade; he hid behind a mask because he was embarrassed and afraid. The fury in Ziva grew as he revealed things she never knew his father had did to him, and at times she felt helpless like watching a baby weep for help and not knowing how to console it.

And many nights they found themselves in each other's arms as they cried, the buildup over the years of betrayal, pain and ache finally dumped into the endless black hole, never to be seen and heard of again. And after everything, the bridge that had fallen and crashed into the rapids three years ago was finally built again, this time stronger than ever, not a single loose brick in sight…

.::.


	6. 16 Years Ago

A/N: A fix in content. The fact that Ziva knew about Gibbs' family prior slipped my mind, so that's fixed.

**16 Years Ago**

.::.

"_What is this life if, full of care,  
We have no time to stand and stare?"  
__**-W. H. Davies**_

.::.

It could've been labeled as one of the most nerve-racking experiences of their lives for both Tony and Ziva. They had shown up at the door to Gibbs' basement, both equally reluctant to descend the stairs, it felt like they were reporting to the headmaster's office for having done something wrong.

His emerald green spheres gazed at her as he took her hand in his and gave it a reassuring squeeze, which probably was a reassurance to him more than anything else, that he wasn't alone that she'd have his six and he'd have hers. The door opened with a creak from the old rusty hinges that was probably years overdue for a desperate oiling. They slipped through the little gap silently, it took a few moments for their eyes to adjust to the near darkness that was the basement and finally after much contemplation they descended the steps one after the other. Each step was scarier than the previous as they lowered themselves to the abyss, there was no backing out now.

The look on Gibbs' face was priceless when they stood there hand in hand. The three exchanged looks in silence, at first it seemed like Gibbs was going to explode, but then his hard stern eyes that could burn holes into the hardest of substances gradually softened and he turned and freed two glasses of bolts then filled them both with his favourite, an amber liquid that sparkled under the single desk light. The two accepted it and sat down on the plank, they had expected a speech or some sort of lecture after that, but instead Gibbs resumed the construction on his boat.

It grew awkward for Tony and Ziva as they sat there, still not sure what to had to be said, or if it was actually their cue to leave. They decided better than to leave, upon realization that this might take longer than they had anticipated they clinked their glasses together and sipped for the venturous night to come.

After what seemed to be like a millennia later they both drifted into a light slumber, head upon the other. At this Gibbs reemerged from under the boat and stared at them, he knew he had his rules for a reason, but he had to consider rule fifty-one, he had it there for a reason and it contradicted everything he had ever taught them. A smile crept to his face, maybe it was time he told them about it.

It was not a secret that Gibbs isn't one who loved to talk and talk on end, in fact he'd avoid it any chance he had. And this was one. He scribbled a note and left the piece of paper on the bench before he disappeared upstairs and retired to a bed he'd barely slept in over the years.

.::.

It wasn't until the first ray of sunlight that penetrated through the window and shone on Ziva's face that she began to stir. She blinked her eyes, momentarily disorientated. A sharp pang pulled at her head and she remembered where she was and the reason for her headache. As she adjusted her eyes to the unwelcomed light she realized that the basement revealed a lot more about Gibbs than she'd ever taken the time to notice.

She had always just observed the obvious, wood, planks, tools and not to forget the alcohol. And it was like they've all been blinded by the darkness of this room, but not just by the absence of light but the dark secrets that this basement held. It came to her that this was the place that Gibbs had treasured; he came here every night as his escape. And she was the one who stained it with blood, and that she has never actually shown the place the respect it deserved. Never took just a moment longer to let her eyes wonder for a second to just see what actually sat right in front of them, for the world to see.

She slowly dislodged herself from Tony's side, careful not to wake his slumbering form and made her way to the shelf behind the boat. Her eyes saddened when she saw pictures of a red headed woman, a young girl and Gibbs, their smiles all reaching their eyes. It was a Gibbs she'd never known, his eyes were a shade lighter, and it resembled that of love instead of his steely blues ones now. She had heard of them, but never went out of her way to actually bother about them, because they were dead and they posed no threat in her world back then. The red head must've been Shannon, she was beautiful no doubt, and suddenly a rush of sorrow enfolded around her and she felt another wave of sadness hit her shores.

She moved to her right and saw more pictures of the same young girl, some at a park others at beaches. Ziva's heart plunged further as she remembered how this little young happy girl had met her demise. And just as a bystander she couldn't even possibly fathom the amount of hurt and pain Gibbs must've gone through.

She flinched at the unexpected sudden contact of a hand on her shoulder. She turned her head and came face to face with Tony. His eyes glistened with tears that threatened to tumble against the sun light. And it hadn't occurred to her that tears had cascaded its way down her face until Tony used his thumb and gently wiped them away. He enveloped her in a hug and passed the note he had found on the table.

_Rule 51#  
Sometimes – you're wrong._

As they turned around to leave they noticed the big bold letters written on Gibbs boat.

Tony & Ziva

.::.

A/N: I found this one quite emotional to write, listening to a sad song probably didn't help either. Anyways I hoped you all enjoyed it, and many thanks to those who reviewed!

Review on your way out… you know you want to XD!

-Ash


	7. 15 Years Ago

A/N: For the purpose of this story, the double-parter never happened, and Ziva had never come to terms with Daddy Dearest. Thank you all for reading and reviewing anyways…

**15 Years Ago**

.::.

"_Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep."  
__**-Carl Sandburg**_

.::.

This was the year Ziva wished she could forget and discard it into the bin. But no, she was there when it happened, and it was all too real to forget like the shadow that stalks forever behind you. _His_ blood leaked onto the ground as it escaped from the gaping wound and stained her both physically and emotionally. She couldn't understand how through the agonizing pain, how he could look back at life and everything and just simply smiled. She couldn't believe it, _that_ was his last good bye and it was nothing more than a plain every day greeting that people gave unknowingly, freely.

And his eyes that stared back at her were soulless, dead like gazing through a window and seeing nothing but an empty void. It took her months to recover from the shock of it all, but she knew the pain would never leave, and she refused to let it leave. Because if she did then he'd be forgotten, his life would've made no difference to any other person who walked by on the streets, continuing their life as if nothing had happened.

His funeral service took place two weeks after his fateful day, and she spent the most part of that day in a blur. She couldn't quite recall what had happened. But she remembered two things vividly. People who walked passed her asked her how she was linked to him. And her answer would've made him smile,_ "He was like a father to me." _

She didn't know why, but her all but dead father was invited to the service, probably by the Director himself. Ziva couldn't believe that he had the nerve to show up; she hadn't quite forgiven him yet for his heartless ways, and it didn't quite help when he had pulled her aside and confronted her for how weak she had grown. He had asked her why she had cried over such a menial man. Fury and rage rose in her and she remembered faintly as she tackled her father to the ground, the room's attention fell onto her, her words imminent _"He is not menial and I cry because I am human, unlike you! You have no…"_

Before the fight could've escalated any further Tony had appeared by her side his hand on her shoulder and helped her up and led her outside to cool off. He knew she blamed herself for what happened, that she had failed to protect Gibbs on a mission. So he reassured her, held her firmly to his chest and kissed her head. They left early out of respect to keep this place as peaceful as possible. Gibbs didn't deserve this ruckus at his funeral.

The several months that followed after saw the team in a mess, Tony was yet again reassigned team captain like he was nearly a decade ago. He did his best to pull the team together, but it was just different this time; circumstance, everything and everyone changed.

McGee tried to step it up for the first two months, but ended in a worse shape than the three. He hadn't said it but he really saw Gibbs as a father figure and he was utterly devastated when he heard of the news. He spent most of his time down in the lab these days. He didn't want the other agents around him, because he didn't need to be reminded that he was a mess.

Abby was no longer the cheery Goth that bounced around high on caffeine, no, she was sad and unsocial half the time, and no one could blame her. It wasn't a great surprise that she had taken the blow worse of all and she was sinking fast in the dangerous waters and as she tried her hardest to keep it all together, the energy seemed to drain out of her more vigorously each day, McGee was definitely not far behind and Tony could feel it too.

Ducky had seen all types of deaths in his life time, and the way Gibbs left was no different than any other, but it really stabbed him hard when he conducted the autopsy. He no longer talked to the dead bodies; he felt it was disrespectful and that the corpses should be rested in peace. Even though he knew if he asked questions they would not answer back, he felt it necessary not to bring up the terrible ways they died.

It had hit everyone in the face when it happened, like a truck had smashed into their idle forms from out of nowhere and sent them flying miles away to a place they've never been. And though Tony probably dealt with it the best, he had struggled as well and found himself in search of comfort from Ziva's arms countless times. The team had fallen apart and he knew it, they could no longer work cases without the reminder of Gibbs, it was just too painful and all too familiar. Gibbs was the glue and without him they all fell from the ledge they'd worked their way up to and having fallen, they shattered into tiny little pieces, their wounds wide open and the only manual to put themselves back together again was gone.

That was why he often found himself standing before Gibbs' grave, searching for something, anything; wisdom perhaps, just a clue as to what he should've said or should've done. He was stunned when the two words that had crossed everyone's minds but were fearful and reluctant to say, left her mouth first. Her soft angelic voice sounded a million miles away but yet she was just inches from him; she hugged him close, like a child to its favourite teddy bear. Their eyes stared into the limestone grave stone with fresh flowers lined at the sides.

"_Goodbye, Gibbs…"_

.::.

A/N: Oh gosh… I'm sorry I killed Gibbs. You have the permission to kill me now. Next chapter will be happier. Cause I need it too.


	8. 14 Years Ago

A/N: So… a short one and it's more McAbby centric. Thank you for all the reviews they are very much appreciated!

**14 Years Ago**

.::.

"_All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of  
letting go and holding on."  
__**-Henry Ellis**_

.::.

The year that followed Gibbs' death, was filled with exhaustion and unforgettable memories. Through the death of another, two realized their love for each other and how important and valuable time really was in their limited lifetime. Everyone coped with loss in a different way, some turned to alcohol and drugs, some to the people around them and some, the ones that couldn't cope; they gave up and took the easy way out, they stopped peddling and chose to fall off the bike.

Though Ziva was still faced with the troubles of moving on she had observed the team like how she was trained to. And being locked up in the lab for months on end both Abby and McGee had found comfort in each other, and of all things they hadn't expected that it would've resulted from Gibbs' death, but it did. For when Abby broke down he had her back, he stood by her side and consoled her. It really gave them a wakeup call that life shouldn't be lived by rules, but by anticipation and instinct.

Through the strengths and weaknesses together the two pulled each other out of the grave they had dug so deep into, they dragged each other out of the pit of endless pain and it had felt like they were trapped there for eons and no one had bothered to help. But they knew better than to blame the others for not coming to their rescue for they had all fallen into a downward spiral. And maybe they were in there to begin with and Gibbs had been the light, and slowly that light faded and they found themselves lost. All it took them was to open their eyes and it was clear where they were and it felt like they had been blinded by rules that they grew so accustomed to that they'd forgotten how to live.

It had been a very long time since they'd actually left the NCIS navy yard, and walked around and consumed all this planet had offered to them. At the beginning when they began to venture out they'd felt envious of the people who strolled the streets and parks, and how they could smile and laugh so freely when there was so much burden in this world. And after weeks on end of eternal deafening silence, they learnt to laugh again like a child taking its first step, it was like a miracle.

They were finally letting go, they took the last step onto familiar soil as they waved good bye to the ship that had begun its journey off into the unknown. After that, time seemed to have flown by and the ship could no longer be seen off in the far horizon. It had at last said farewell to this world and embarked on its new journey. And it was Ziva who was the bravest; she was the first to have moved on, leading the team and everyone else trudged along behind her until they were out of no man's land. Time returned to its usual pace and it began to slip by so quickly that it wasn't long before Abby and McGee had dated for a steady nine months.

And as it approached the year end once again Ziva and the team had gathered and celebrated; the dark tunnel had been put behind them and the train was headed for a much brighter future. An important chapter of their lives had found its conclusion and had found its way onto the shelves of her and each of their hearts as they prepared for a new beginning, a new story to be written and new adventures to be shared…

.::.

A/N: We can all say farewell to this sad arc now! Next chapter we'll see the team begin to work together as one again. See you then! (Reviews are always nice :D)


	9. 13 Years Ago Part I

**13 Years Ago: Part I**

.::.

"_The healthiest response to life is joy."  
__**-Deepak Chopra**_

.::.

The year that followed saw a new agent who joined their team. Ziva, Tony, McGee and especially Abby were all reluctant to allow her in. Probationary Agent Sophy Glasen had been assigned by Director Leon Vance to join their team, apparently they had needed it. Though Ziva knew that Sophy was in a similar position to her when she had first joined Gibbs' team as a Mossad liaison officer, she felt this was different, this was Gibbs they were talking about and he was and will always be irreplaceable.

She remembered her first day here at the navy yard, the team had just gone through a similar loss; Special Agent Caitlin Todd. At first she didn't understand, couldn't understand why they'd cried over a fallen comrade, she lost them left and right every day and if she had cried for every one of them she would've died from dehydration through her eyes. But after so many years with them, she had finally and truly understood, they cried to honor the fallen to recognize that they had made a difference and their life was worth something. Her value on life in itself had changed since the first day she came here, to this once foreign land.

That's why she knew and accepted the fact that Sophy would eventually and inevitably fall into their group, all she had to do was continue to pursue. If she had quit then she never belonged in the team in the first place. Though the biggest obstacle that Sophy would come face to face with, would be Abby. Ziva knew how hard that could be, and Abby had not made it easy on her either; and at one point she had felt like quitting altogether and to tell Ari to get his ass out of the states and back home.

Knowing Tony, he would've made it hard for Sophy to gain his trust as well, but she felt connected, related to this girl in some mysterious unknown way. She'd warned Tony to back off and cut her some slack, she was new, young and probably extremely scared and she still had to deal with all the shit they chucked at her. Tony had reacted positively and made a remark that had stuck with her ever since, "_Sweetheart, you're more human than all of us put together." _She'd grown used to that nick name; it felt much better than being called his crazy ninja chick.

She was right, as always. It had taken a good long hardworking four months of persistency from young Sophy, but she managed to slip through the very fine cracks and crevices that held the team together. It was mainly Ziva and a little help from Tony who had grabbed her by the hands and heaved her into the circle and when she got in things took off.

And soon Abby had warmed up to her and they often found themselves in the lab laughing and breaking mad computer codes. Sophy was incredibly smart for her age; she had graduated from MIT as well, which gave the former Probie license to boast, and boast he did.

Sophy really bounced the team back into the field and they tackled everything that came their way, head on and they worked together as a team, just like they had once been. The final brick Sophy laid on the newly made foundation she had worked on for months on end had really won them all over; well mostly Abby.

She'd turned up to work one day with a puppy in hand, apparently she was walking by innocently on her way to work when she heard wheezing and it had led her to the injured puppy in a back alleyway.

Together Abby and Sophy had nurtured it back to health and they'd made a pact to adopt it, because Abby's landlord was still a jerk and wouldn't allow any pets within her building.

The team had found that joy released the pain that they had all clutched on to, and as they say, "_The rest is History."_

.::.

A/N: Yes you did read correctly, this is Part 1 of "13 Years Ago" and I'll be posting Part 2 very soon. Review on your way out, it keeps me writing!


	10. 13 Years Ago Part II

**13 Years Ago: Part II**

.::.

"_The healthiest response to life is joy."  
__**-Deepak Chopra**_

.::.

This year had welcomed much change to the NCIS team, firstly Sophy who had secured her position, and not long after they were face by with another new member. But it wasn't just any member though; a Director. He'd joined them after the sudden retirement of now ex-Director Leon Vance, why he had retired no one really knows and is still a pending mystery. He was replaced by a young man, Alan Jones; and he looked like a spitting image of Leon, though minus maybe twenty years.

On the Director's first day Ziva could feel his nerves as he walked by, it was like a ticking time bomb for goodness sakes, there was no way she would've missed it and she was pretty sure she wasn't the only one who had noticed it. He had clearly found it hard as he settled within the agency and it was sort of sad as she watched him struggled, she knew how that felt, being rejected. But she wasn't going to let her sympathy waver her assumptions though, and she didn't know how the others felt, but she wasn't ready to watch some unknown smug come into power. No, she'd put him through tests before she would give him the authority to order them around.

Ziva had convinced Abby to hack into multiple of interrogations that were conducted by the Director himself so she could familiarize herself with his style. She found herself surprised, that he indeed had the skills to successfully acquire information from suspects; his approach was like luring a mouse with cheese. She settled on two options, he was either a good person and only used his skills when needed or he had an ulterior motive, the chances of the latter were slim but she just had to make sure.

She had shared her suspicions with Tony, and the two agreed to play him, they watched him very closely throughout the first week. They made sure they had established their power within the building, and he seemed to have gotten the hint because he kept his eyes on everyone else but their team.

After two weeks of observation, they had came to an agreement that he wasn't up to anything suspicious and decided it was safe to pull out the first of many tricks to come. They started with something easy just so they could dunk their toes in the water and test how hot it was.

She had suggested a classic; one that had became a tradition after the first time Abby had pulled it off on McGee many years ago. They arrived early one morning and had switched the Director's keyboard with a rigged keyboard and when activated by touch would release soapy foam all over the desk.

They were all in the bullpen when the Director arrived and headed upstairs, he hadn't the slightest clue as to what was he was in store for. A few moments later he made his way down the stairs foam all over his hands and suit. He marched right into the bullpen and stared at Tony, his stare of course useless compared to their past leaders. The attention of the whole office were on the two as Tony sipped his apple cider innocently like a child pretending he hadn't broken the priceless vase and was surprised when the Director hadn't shouted at him or lashed out at him, instead he wiped off the foam and held his hand out and congratulated Tony. Tony smiled and accepted his hand.

Ziva and McGee began to laugh, as the Director smiled at Tony and left. Tony was still oblivious to the fact the Director had successfully pranked the king of pranks. She walked up to him; she felt sorry for him so she bit her lip to stop herself from bursting out in a madness of laughter. She leaned up to his ear and whispered two words, _"Your drink", _she gave him a little kiss and tap on the cheek, because she knew he would need it when he realized he'd been humiliated in front of everyone.

Tony's smile faded and his cheeks flamed fire red as he lifted the lid of the cup and found his drink stained blue. His head jerked up and his gaze followed to the top of the stairs to find a smirk plastered upon the Director's face. The anger in his eyes showed it all and she was sure he would've cracked, but instead he laughed, a real hearty laugh that revealed his blue teeth, "_You're on Director!"_

.::.

A/N: Geez Louise! I've been writing all the sad stuff, I found it hard to make everything happy again. Review on your way out!


	11. 12 Years Ago

**12 Years Ago**

.::.

"_Time goes, you say? Ah no!  
Alas, Time stays, we go."_

_**-Henry Austin Dobson**_

.::.

Ziva jerked up to a sitting position in her king sized bed, something felt wrong, but she was uncertain as to what. She glanced to her left and a small smile crept up to her face as she saw Tony sound asleep, mouth slightly agape. Never had she ever thought she would end up in a committed relationship with him, the player and known womanizer.

She'd come a long way since the day she first stepped on this land, her defenses came into play immediately; physically and emotionally. It wasn't possible that a simple man, one that would blend into everyday society could disarm her defense. But through his silly and witty characteristic he had accomplished the impossible. Maybe it was his smile; the one that could brighten up your day no matter what, or maybe it was his obsessive sometimes annoying way of referencing movies to every scenario. Nonetheless, she had fallen for him, fallen so deep that she hadn't even notice until she hit rock bottom.

Still frozen in the same position she was stunned when a rough hand ran along her thigh. His voice was husky and incredibly low as he spoke against her skin and she couldn't help but shiver as his low sensual voice trembled within her. Though most of his sentence was a mumble of words that weren't even constructed to make sense she knew what he'd meant.

It was another aspect of their relationship that had developed right from the beginning; it had pissed their coworkers off when they just stared at each other for seconds on end as if they were communicating telepathically. It was like they were connected on a whole different level, her reading him and him her; but of course he was always an open book, he gladly showed the world how he felt and that was something she envied.

Though in virtually absolute darkness, she could still see how his features changed to one reflected with concern and this time he pulled her closer to him, hugged her close as if he were trying to shield her and kissed her on the forehead. The little space that encased her was filled with Tony, she couldn't quite define what he really smelled like, it was a mixture of a manly musk and a scent that wasn't overpowering but felt like home and it was addictive.

She had to admit Tony had grown a great deal since his playboy days, but the one reality that had always scared her was that she had grown as well. Maybe not like Tony's case, but rather she had learnt how to allow someone in to a whole new level, in the past she'd never given all of herself to someone, she'd always slept with one eye open and she'd expected the worse outcome.

Before she noticed it she'd drifted off, care free from all the problems of the world.

.::.

Ziva arrived to work with Tony, five hours after her morning disturbance. Sophy and McGee already at their desks, McGee was busy scanning his screen whereas Sophy scanned her morning newspaper; both in their own elements. They settled at their desks and began their work for the day, every so often their eyes raised up to meet the other and a smile exchanged.

It wasn't long before Tony rose from his desk and ordered his usual _"Got a case!"_ But before they could even reach for their badges and sigs, Ducky entered the bullpen. Dressed uncharacteristically like how he would've, his NCIS jumpsuit and bowtie were clearly missing. Instead he was dressed in a tartan kilt matched with a black tailcoat.

Every eyebrow in the bullpen rose at the attire, and it was Tony that asked the question everyone had clearly wanted to ask.

"What's with the skirt Ducky?"

"It's not a skirt my dear boy Anthony, it's a kilt. But that was not my point of this visit…"

"Visit?"

"Ahh yes! I've been much honored to have worked with you lot, but I'm afraid it's my time to head back home… I'm proud to tell you Mr. Palmer will be taking over my job as ME."

It felt like they'd all been punched in the gut and a tremendous pain fired up within them. The dead marine was brushed aside as they all approached Ducky, all still in question. Within minutes Abby had somehow managed to hear of the news and was sprinting towards them, tears evident in her eyes. It felt like their tribal elders had all left them in this treacherous world.

The day had continued, mind you it was sluggish, but it dragged on and time couldn't tick by any slower. Ducky had invited all of them for a final dinner before he left, he knew they'd never forgave him if he just disappeared on them; no, he'd saw what happened when Jethro had done that years ago.

Ziva found herself quite out of it as she worked in the field, she didn't show her emotions but she just wasn't a hundred percent, and upon realization Tony approached her cautiously. He was greatly affected by the unannounced events too and he hadn't hidden it very well either, actually he made no effort to hide it at all.

Sometimes he couldn't believe how vulnerable Ziva really was; sure she was able to take down men twice her size. But right at that moment she couldn't seem any more defenseless, and for the second time that day he pulled her to him, embraced her within the familiar comforts of his arms and offered the most reassurance he could. Though unsure how, he knew they'd pull through…

.::.

A/N: Remember review on your way out!

-Ash


	12. 11 Years Ago

**11 Years Ago**

.::.

"_Don't marry the person you think you can live with;  
marry only the individual you think you can't live without."_

_**-James C. Dobson**_

.::.

Did it come as a surprise to her when she found herself in an alcove of a fine dining Italian restaurant with Tony down on his knee?

Yes. And. No.

She was not particularly surprised, but rather more amazed at what the man that knelt before her had become. One that had feared everything and anything related to the word commitment, and there he was, probably the biggest oxymoron one could ever find.

It was supposed to be like any other date at a normal restaurant or café, where they went out for dinner and end up in bed together. But instead he'd surprised her with an expensive dinner and red wine. He'd pulled all the strings to make _the_ moment amazing and unforgettable. She was glad for the better half that he hadn't recited a three page speech; instead he summed it all up in two sentences. One to anyone else would've seen as just plain and simple.

"_Ziva, I couldn't and I still can't live without you. Will you give me the pleasure to be my wife?"_

But to her it was pure love, because it symbolized who they were more than anything else. She couldn't help but tear as she remembered them in a similar setting all those years ago. His hair dusty with dirt, face with cuts and bruises, but nonetheless he still sat across from her. That was a moment of utter truth and it was what he had said that day that made her come back, made her forgive and forget. And though she was never one for much public display of affection, she kissed him right then and there. She could hardly care less of the strangers that surrounded them at that restaurant at that moment.

It hadn't struck her until it was well into the wee hours of the morning. Tony's slumbering form lay completely still next to her, his hand draped around her body protectively. She couldn't help but smile at the peace that crossed his face, his wrinkles that were usually tensed were relaxed and he couldn't look any more serene there lying in their bed. But she was wavered out of her gaze as the question came knocking on her door again. Was she really ready?

She had never imagined herself in a white dress walking down the aisle to the wedding march, yet alone a chance to do so. She was hit with a sudden pang of anxiety, she didn't fear the actual thought of getting married but she feared the possible betrayal that it could come down to. Maybe it was her exposure to all things bad throughout her life that gave her the tendency to be on alert and run away. For sure she trusted Tony, she trusted him with her life, but she can't help it but to panic and consider the easy way out.

She hadn't even felt the tears that had fallen or notice Tony stir beside her until his hand came in contact with her cheek. To be honest she didn't even know why she was crying. He knew she had no answer as to why she was, so he didn't bother to ask. Instead he gathered her vulnerable body in his arms, and brought her towards his chest. It wasn't an all-out cry; it was merely a few droplets of saline liquid that had trailed down the plains of her cheeks.

She played with his chest hair for awhile until the tears dried completely and the snail-like trail it had left had all but evaporated into thin air. Her brown orbs rose to search for his green ones, trying to find a confirmation of some sort that this was reality and she hadn't actually died somewhere in between the last time she remembered and now.

He saw the question in her eyes and squeezed her arm gently just to remind her she wasn't in this alone, and just for extra reassurance he captured her lips with his for a sweet affectionate kiss. One filled with passion and love; not the ones that were given to seduce and coax a sexual reaction, but just a kiss that showed he cared.

.::.

The two were woken up by the over excessive constant ring of their doorbell. After much debate as to who would answer the door, Tony folded. He groaned as he got up, chucked on a robe and headed downstairs to answer the door. He hadn't checked through the peephole and he regretted it when he opened the door to be shocked by a sudden bone crushing hug. News had definitely travelled fast and somehow Abby had heard. She always had her ways.

Tony angled his head to the side to glance behind Abby, and wasn't surprised to see McGee there, with an apologetic look on his face while he mouthed the word _"sorry"_. Tony sighed and after being released by Abby he invited them both in.

He settled them in the lounge with coffee before he headed towards the bedroom to wake Ziva, but before he could even leave the room Ziva's head poked through and she joined them. For the most part Abby was the only one who spoke. She fired questions at them left and right, while she tried to spare as much time she left most of her questions unanswered as she abandoned them and moved on to another.

They were silently thanking McGee when he saved them all and somehow managed to drag Abby out of the house, though she hadn't quite wanted to leave yet, she reluctantly followed McGee to the car. Tony and Ziva waved them goodbye in the verandah and retired back inside. They released a chuckle of relief as they closed the door and begun their day, which consisted of breakfast first…

.::.

A/N: I just want to thank you all for reading and reviewing! I love you all!

-Ash


	13. 10 Years Ago

**10 Years Ago**

.::.

"_Let your heart guide you.  
It whispers, so listen carefully."_

**-Littlefoot's mother, **_**Land Before Time**_

.::.

The day had finally arrived and her nerves had risen so high she couldn't even see clearly anymore. She was glad and in a way relieved that she wasn't going to be walking down the aisle alone, instead she'll walk down with Abby, two brides. Now whether it was by coincidence or if strings were pulled she did not know; and she did not care to know. All she knew was that there was a man that she loved in a room close by with McGee as time edged closer and closer.

Though Abby was great support through the whole of the process, she still felt a little alone. It was true that she considered the people here her family now, but when it came down to it she still saw Tali, Ari, her mother and yes, the director of Mossad, Eli as her true family. At one point in her life when she was a child they were a family that went out on weekends just for the sake of spending time together, and when she'd arrived home every day it was into familiar arms.

She could fool the others, but she can't deny it to herself, there will always be a part of her that had and will always devote everything to family, to pleasing them and making them proud. And she would give anything for Eli to be here at the wedding now, to walk her down that aisle. Because he _was_ her father, he had fed, clothed her and truth be told, raised her. Though he didn't quite raise her to be a princess but rather a protector, he put the effort into it, didn't he?

Many saw her relationship with Eli like a puppet and its puppeteer, but there was always more to that. There were times when he had consoled her, treasured her and if she dared say, loved her. There was humanity in that heart once upon a time. And all she had now was a picture of that, a picture of a long lost serenity in her life and as she ventured further into her future her past seemed to have slipped away from her grasp inch by inch.

She was hauled from her thoughts at the sudden knock on the door followed by a wave of black hair that framed a pale face. There were no words that were exchanged, and that was strange in itself. Abby was always one of many words, but at that point she offered none. Ziva waved with her hand for her to give her a moment to collect her thoughts.

This was it, people were out there waiting for her and she should've been happy and excited, this was every girls dream. Wasn't it?

But instead her mind was flooded with doubt and hesitation, that's when she did what she was best at; evaluate the situation. There was nothing stopping her from walking down that aisle, but there was also nothing stopping her from walking out. And just like it had many times before she came to the cross road, the choice was obvious. And her heart screamed at her to take the path towards the blooming trees over the horizon.

Her eyes glanced out the only window in the room, the sight was spectacular, and the sun had just begun to take its daily route down that horizon over the calm waters.

She was always good at this, suppress everything in so it won't bother her and everyone else around her, but she just couldn't do it this time. She felt overloaded with pressure and the room suddenly felt so small and it suffocated her.

She threw the bouquet of flowers that looked as if it had taken hours to prepare to the ground, it landed with a thud, the perfection created lost and the roses revealed their thorns. Her actions after that were not comprehended in her head, instead it all happened on its own; she'd lost complete control over her body.

And before she knew it the veil, heels and jewelry were scattered around her and she ran out. She could see Tony there in his tuxedo while he glanced at his watch, and all she could do was turn the other way and run. She ran for miles on end until her feet stung from the cuts and gashes from the rocks, finally after coming to a stop she realized she'd came to a dead end; a cliff.

She had nowhere else to go, so she settled on a boulder and watched the sun say goodbye to this world for the next several hours. She'd thought she had gone completely insane when she saw the reflections of Tali, Ari and her mother in the still of the water. Her heart tugged at her gently like it was trying to say something to her but she just couldn't hear it through the white noise that was her life.

It was completely dark out except for the near full moon that shone proudly in the night sky when she heard footsteps behind her. She knew who it was; she was so accustomed to hearing it.

"Are you okay?" his voice soft and concerned. She exhaled the breath she hadn't noticed she was holding, of all things, she had expected him to rage and fume at her for running.

"No," her voice was unsteady and croaky. She was a complete mess with mascara smeared under her eyes and yet he still approached her and cradled her in his arms. It scared her that Tony knew her so well that sometimes she wasn't even sure she knew herself at all.

"I don't know why you ran, but all I know is that I'll gladly spend my life chasing you," his eyes were vibrant as it glowed against the moonlight; they weren't directed at her because she knew that this step wasn't only just massive for her but for him as well.

"I miss them," and it was the first time she'd ever admitted it to herself, wholeheartedly. The gentle tug that was pulling at her heart before became suddenly clear, the noise in the middle all gone. Two words that spoke more than one could ever imagine. Two words that solved everything and made it all disappear. The worry. The doubts.

_Let Go._

It's like she'd been holding onto the ropes of death all her life without knowing, and it had killed her slowly, taking a piece of her bit by bit.

"I miss them too," her eyes shot to his face, firstly in shock but then they softened as she took in the picture before her. She admired his delicate perfectly sculptured features that radiated against the reflections of the water. But his eyes, his eyes were distant and they seemed lost, lost in a world where she'd thought she walked alone. And it dawned on her that she wasn't the only one hurting. He'd held on too, for all those years, to his mother, to his father. And because he deserved an explanation even though he hadn't asked for it, she told him why.

"I ran because… because I wanted someone there that I could prove wrong, that I could make proud of," tears glisten within the boundaries of her eyes, "I am an assassin, I do not get the happy ending."

And before they could fall she buried her face into the nape of his neck where the vanished into his expensive coat. They sat there for god knows how long, his arms wrapped around her small form lovingly.

After everything, they did get married that night but with much less guests than intended. Remaining were the people that hadn't left her side and stayed to fight the demons with her and for that she was forever in debt to them…

.::.


	14. 9 Years Ago

**9 Years Ago**

.::.

"_Death ends a life, not a relationship"_

_**-Robert Benchley**_

**.::.**

The squad room was filled with the clacking sounds of fingers contacting with the bouncy keys and clicking and scrolling of mouses. After having added the final touches to her case report, Ziva hit print and the smooth processing sound of the printer began and in a matter of seconds several pieces of paper was regurgitated from the printer's mouth. After she skimmed the final copy one last time she smiled a contented smile and lodged a staple into the upper left corner and slipped it into the manila folder.

She crossed the floor to Tony's desk and placed the folder on the pile that consisted of Sophy's and McGee's which they had completed nearly a full hour ago before they departed for the weekend.

"Any suggestions for dinner tonight?" his eyes still focused on his screen while his fingers flew across the keys expertly.

"I was thinking I'd cook us your favourite," and his head snapped up to hers wearing a massive grin.

"I'll be done as soon as possible, but I've still got to file this in to the director," his eyes darted around as he processed what had to be done.

"It's okay, you take your time I'll head home first," she gave him a peck on the lips before she made her way back to her desk to pack up the last of her things. She picked up her coat and slipped into the comforts of the soft material, but was stopped half way in her tracks when a peculiar little package landed on her desk with a thud. Her eyes followed the hairy hand that had dropped it up to his face, it was Benny the mailman, he flashed a smile and she returned it.

The sound of shoes giving a quiet puff confirmed that he'd left and suddenly her eyes took form of a killer's as she close examined it and with a nippy side glance she settled back into her seat. Dinner all but forgotten for the package had gained her full attention and at that moment it was the only thing that mattered. What really got to her was the Hebrew word that was splayed out on the top. No doubt she knew what that word was; it was one that she hadn't seen in years.

_Rivka._

Her mother's name, she swallowed the lump that had found its way to her throat intrudingly. The package wasn't very big, it measured about ten by six inches and Ziva had a slight inkling that it was a book.

"Zi, are you okay?" Tony's face popped out from behind his screen like from a game he had shown her at the carnival once, she had been so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't noticed he had been trying to gain her attention for the past several minutes.

"Umm… yes," she nodded her head. But truth be told she wasn't sure if she was okay. What hid beneath the thin piece of brown wrapping paper? She had to know.

She felt like tearing it away, she wanted to know the idiot who would ever play such a prank on her. She had become accustomed to taking most jokes lightly; but not when it came to her mother. _Never mess with a ninja's mother_, her subconscious had said matter-of-a-factly from a far corner of her head, and she gave a quiet chuckle when she realized how much she sounded like Tony.

Her senses had all but failed her when out of nowhere Tony appeared over her, his hand on her shoulder pulling her back to reality and his face showing what could only be deterred as concern.

"I can't read Hebrew but…"

"It's my mother's name…" she said, filling him in. He slowly lowered himself until his face came to her level and he narrowed his eyes as if he had x-ray vision from the movies.

"Are you going to open it?" and suddenly it seemed as if he was more curious then she was.

"Yes, but not now," she grabbed the package and placed it in her bag, "You finished with your report?"

He grabbed his coat in affirmation and caught up with her just before the doors to the elevators shut closed. And she wouldn't know that as the elevator shut, it would shut another chapter in her life. A chapter which was filled with surprises around each and every corner with a never ending climax, and it had seemed that it would never end; that the story would keep rising until even light could no longer reach it.

.::.

The door swung open swiftly as it welcomed its owners home. Tony carried the groceries into the kitchen where he packed them away and made a start with the cooking while Ziva took her shower.

Ziva closed the bedroom door quietly and retrieved the little package from her bag. She had the urge to just rip it apart and unearth what was inside, but what held her back was the fear of her mother. In her mother's eyes she was and will always be an innocent child, and though her mother was now dead she still didn't want to displease her with all the blood that had been shed in her life.

And suddenly without any hesitation she peeled off the wrapping methodically and revealed a little black book. She couldn't believe after all that anticipation for something grand and magnificent it had turned out to be a black leather covered book. She flipped it open in desperation to find something, anything. And found something she did, a scribbled note dated to a time before her Mossad days among an extensive amount of cursive font.

Her eyes scanned every page, every single one was filled with the same exact cursive print. Words flew through her eyes as she skimmed and realized that this book was not just any book, it was a diary and it had belonged to her mother. She shut the book in fear as to what she might uncover.

She took a shaky breath before she teased out and examined the note that clearly did not belong. What she learnt then, she would never forget. Her mind was completely out of it until the door crept open very slowly and the lovely rich aroma of Italian cooking invaded the room. Tony gave a slight sigh before he joined her side, careful not to tread on the wrong path or it'd all end very badly.

"What is it?" his voice quiet and very unlike him. She couldn't find the voice to answer and for a moment he thought she hadn't heard him at all.

"Can I see?" he made a move to reach for the book but she flinched away as if she were shielding it.

"It is my mother's diary," there was a long pause filled with silence as the words comprehended into his mind, and by some sort of unheard power she knew and answered his unspoken question, "my father is dead."

Though Tony still hated Eli's guts for everything he had put his daughter through, he had come to accept that he couldn't change what happened in the past. And that he should just learn to let it go, because if Ziva could let it go, then he should and could as well. She'd forgiven him for everything, because holding on had led her to worse places, and maybe that was why she was reacting the way she did.

He felt helpless as he watched his wife, on their bed with tears streaming down her face. He picked up the little note that had slipped from her hands and landed on the carpet. It took only a moment for him to glance through the words.

"He'll always be with you," they were the only words of comfort he could offer before he was cut off by her head snuggled securely into his neck. It wasn't long before his stomach grumbled mortifyingly loud and she returned to her normal self, letting her infectious melodious laugh echo against the walls.

"_Let's have dinner."_

.::.

A/N: Have a great holiday season everybody! Thanks for reading!


	15. 8 Years Ago

**8 Years Ago**

.::.

"_Whom we love best, to them we can say the least…"  
__**-English Proverb**_

.::.

Tony woke up to an empty bed, the sheets next to him absent of the radiating heat that occupied its place the night before. He blinked his eyes and shied away from the sun's rays which had angled directly at him through the blinds. He turned his head and took a glimpse at the little clock that he'd gotten from Abby awhile back. The long hand was on its way to hitting nine and the short hand stuck between the six and seven. He sighed still reluctant to get out of bed; it was a Saturday so he deserved the break from his hectic job.

His eyes travelled to the left where a tender smile pulled at his lips, and it grew into an all out grin as his eyes explored his room. It had always caught him by surprise that no matter how many times he saw the pictures that were displayed throughout their room; he'd always have the same reaction. They've truly ventured quite a ways from when they had first met. He rolled onto his back still filled with contentment as he stared endlessly into the empty white ceiling.

His mind flashed back to the memories when they had their first encounter. Never would he have thought that she'd be the one. Yes she was beautiful, definitely very sexual and not to forget an exotic beauty from another land. And after years of unfulfilled tension they'd cracked, first when he'd fallen in love with a French arms dealer's daughter. At that time he had even considered changing his whole identity because he'd fooled himself into thinking there was no one else better.

Where in fact there was, she'd sat across from him for years and she knew him for who _he _was. Not some alias Tony DiNardo who worked as a university professor. No. But for Anthony DiNozzo, class clown. And that was why she loved him. Though she'd worded it differently back then, the message was clear.

There were times he wondered what would've happened, would anything be different if he'd just told her how he felt all those years ago. Told her she'd meant the world to him, and that yes he was jealous of Michael, of Roy, of Damon and her mysterious friend from Miami that she'd never told him about. If he could've gotten over his pride, his arrogance and his smugness then they would've never gone through any of the horrifying dreadful shit that had left them broken.

But what does not kill you makes you stronger right?

He rose from the bed still deep in thought when he heard the sound of clattering from the kitchen. His feet were heavy against the wooden floorboards as he shuffled lazily to the origin of the sound. He leaned against the door frame and watched her little form do the dishes. Though he knew she had already sensed his presence he still walked up silently behind her and placed his chin on her shoulder as his hand lowered to settle on her hip.

"Good morning sweet cheeks," she smelled of jasmine as he kissed her hair that fell over her shoulders in light curls. She turned the tap off and spun around to face him with a sweet smile on her face.

"Morning," her smile infectious as she kissed him softly on the lips, her hands curled around his neck to pull him just that much closer. And it was like one of those kisses from the movies where the guy lifts the girl up and she pops a leg.

The way they were going he'd thought they were going to do it right then and there. But then she pulled away with a devilish smirk on her face and returned to cleaning up the dishes. He couldn't help but just lean against the countertop and observe her in amazement. How she could just control him with a flick of a switch without even trying.

She finished off the last of the dishes and retired back to their room and he just watched as she swayed her hips from side to side and then disappeared within, leaving the door slight agape. He found her on the bed, her eyes shut close. They've never been one to talk very much; it was something that was unique to them. They could understand each other with just a slight gaze of the eye and to this day most of their real conversations are exchanged as so.

Most people say that they know their partners so well they could finish off their sentences, but that was a mere skill to them. For them it's always been more than words, and these days not even sex could cut it. It gets thrown around as if it had no value anymore, people abuse the true beauty of it, even he had but now he treasured it so much because it meant so much more then getting high.

"Are you going to keep staring or are you going to come to bed?" her eyes still closed but a playful tone rang in her voice, he willingly obliged and made his way towards the bed and fell onto the comfy mattress. He came up behind her and wrapped her in a hug like a koala to a tree.

"It's already nine."

"And you're still in bed," her body shook as she laughed, finally turning around to face him the second time that morning. Their eyes bore into each other creating a pool of chocolate emerald that one could never imagine be so extraordinary.

"Tony…" There was a slight dilation to her pupils but her eyes never wavered from his, "I am pregnant."

His head was spinning in circles as he began to take in the words, and he must've seemed shocked because concern was written all over her face.

"Are you okay?" Her hand came up to caress his face and wipe away a tear that had trailed very slowly down from his eye.

"Yeh, I'm just really happy," and suddenly he was fighting back the tears, "I'm becoming a dad."

His mind flickered back to the time where they were undercover as married assassins, he had said those words back then but it had meant nothing, nothing but a joke. And now he knew how great it felt to say those words because they weren't acting anymore, this was real...

.::.

A/N: Review and I'll give you a sneak peak of the upcoming chapter! =)


	16. 7 Years Ago

**7 Years Ago**

.::.

"_Retirement may be an ending, a closing,  
but it is also a new beginning."_

_**-Catherine Pulsifer**_

.::.

They say for a man to feel the equivalent of a woman giving birth, they'd have to pull their lips over their heads. But Ziva had never really understood how one could even stretch their lips that far. It was another one of those things that always got her mixed up and lost in translation.

She'd never dreaded the thought of the pain from the process of giving birth because she never thought she would get the chance to. She was brought up with an expiration date and never had she ever thought that she would out live that date. Nevertheless she was here today, in a hospital room after having experienced the most amazing thing in life, which was to deliver another into this world.

"I'm retiring," Ziva spoke nonchalantly, but that definitely was not the case with Abby.

"What do you mean your retiring?" Abby's voice was amplified by echoes of the hospital walls that enclosed them in the small sized room where Ziva was recuperating.

"Calm down Abby, I'll still get to see you," one thing everyone who has come to know Abby would agree to was that she didn't like change and she usually wouldn't take no for an answer either, "…just not at work, but we see each other all the time out of work." Ziva tried to reason with her.

"Yeh… I guess, but you have to promise me that you will, I don't want you to run out on me like everyone else," her voice was tainted with a slight bit of hesitation among the sadness.

"I will never do that to you Abby," it was definitely the truth because how could she stand looking into Abby's eyes, eyes that showed emotion too confidently and tell it straight to her face that she was about to get hurt.

"Okay, I'll take your word for it, only because you're Ziva and you would never do that to me," she approached the bed side and placed fresh new black roses she had brought on the side table, "so have you decided on a name yet?"

"Yes we have," Tony's baritone voice surprised them both as he appeared from nowhere at the door. Abby dislodged herself from the bed side and enveloped him in a congratulatory bear hug. Tony gave her a light squeeze then untangled himself from Abby and made his way to Ziva's bed.

"How are you feeling?" he brushed a strand of stubborn hair from her face and he couldn't help but agree with the saying about how pregnant women glowed. Well, technically Ziva's already past that but she still glowed, and at that moment he thought he fell in love with her just that bit more.

"Well, I would not say I am great, but I am getting there," she gave a weak smile, and they fell into one of their classic stares which left Abby slightly awkward as she lurked in the background.

"Guys? I'm still here," Abby waved her hands around in desperation to gain their attention, and finally gained a slight glance from the two, "anyways you still haven't told me what you were going to name him." Ziva and Tony both exchanged looks before their faces turned towards her again.

"Anthony Jethro DiNozzo," they said in unison. Abby wiped the tear that had stubbornly slid from her eye, "are you okay Abby?"

"I'm perfectly fine," she sniffled, "I'm just so glad that you chose that name." Abby remembered once, a long time ago, possibly eons ago now, she'd come across a witness who asked her what the name _Jethro_ really meant. Abby knew a lot, so much that people usually looked at her bizarrely first then quizzically as they take in all the information; she was a little like a walking human dictionary. But of all things, she didn't know what the name _Jethro_ meant. She had searched it up, and she was surprised that it was such a rare name, because it was really such a beautiful name.

_Excellence._

It was a perfect definition of Gibbs. He was a symbol for excellence, maybe not quite in the field of marriages and relationships but he was man on justice, and he fought until the day he died. And if it were up to Abby she'd build a statue just for him, so the whole world could see how great of a man he was.

"I still can't believe you're retiring Ziva," Abby whined as she approached her once again.

"You're retiring?" Tony's voice was hinted with surprise.

"You didn't know?" Abby's head bounced up in shock.

"No…" Tony's face turned towards Ziva as he searched for an answer.

"Tony… I was going to tell you, I just wanted to be sure first," Ziva grabbed his hand, and held him firmly just so she could be sure he wouldn't leave.

"The only bad thing about it is we'll have to deal with another Probie," he laughed.

"So you're not mad?" her eyebrows raised in question.

"Why would I be? You've given me everything that I've ever wanted and more," he smiled and kissed her forehead.

.::.

A/N: A retired-ninja-minx-mother… hmm… let's see how Ziva handles it next chapter! Leave a review on your way out!

-Ash.


	17. 6 Years Ago

**6 Years Ago**

.::.

"_Whether young or old, a birthday is a special time to celebrate  
the gift of YOU to the world."_

_**-Unknown**_

.::.

Some say time flies by when you're having fun and enjoying life. Some say it's just the perspective of time that changes in within. To Ziva, it was a bit of both. There were times in her life when she hoped would last longer because those were the most precious and fulfilled times of her existence.

A year passed by so quickly that much of it she couldn't quite remember. The first few months after she gave birth she found too much free time on her hands, especially after she decided to retire. Every day was the same thing over and over and it had left her bored out of her mind. Especially since she'd lived such an adventurous and rollercoaster type of life and she found it hard to adjust to the slow steam boat she was now cruising on.

Most mornings she woke up and stared at herself in the mirror. The person that stared back at her was not a person she'd expected to see. And it became a sort of daily ritual for her every morning; she'd spend an incredulous amount of time just staring at a replica of her. It wasn't long before she began to talk to her reflection, it wasn't verbal but more of a thought, and she was surprised when it answered back. Honestly.

It looked exactly like her but it had no fear, no limitations, everything was in plain black and white because if you broke that mirror it'd die, where Ziva had not. She had been battered and pummeled throughout her life but she never died, and maybe it was because of this element that she didn't acquire or maybe once did but was killed off, that she was envious of the figure that led her to obsess over it.

Then, just like every day, like an old routine she'd here the cries of her child and she said goodbye to the image, and it waved back as if it had a mind of its own. Sometimes Ziva swore that its eyes never left her even though she'd turned around and it gave her that urge just to swivel back around and look, just to make sure she hadn't gone insane.

By the time she finished breast feeding AJ (a.k.a Anthony Jethro) Tony had already risen and gotten dressed for work. He'd give her a kiss before he left, and as the door shut with a soft click, she fell into a chasm of loneliness and boredom once again.

Tony gone.

AJ fast asleep.

It made her grow mad as she listened to the endless ticking of the annoying clock accompanied by murmurs of different appliances around the house. Each room seemed to close on her and it felt like a trap, like being stuck in a time capsule; everything frozen.

At the beginning she'd settled to watch day time TV programs to pass the time and after quickly growing tired of it she started reading books. She'd gone through so many books that she had to purchase a whole new bookcase to house her stack and stacks of novels and biographies she'd picked up all over town, some new some old. Then, that as well bored her, each book she picked up felt the same as another, like she'd read it before.

That's when she discovered an old friend she'd left behind a long time ago; the piano. It was in an old rundown neighborhood that she was strolling through one day when she heard the beautiful soft melodious sound of a piano, something that she hadn't heard for such a long time.

It was a sound that had been drowned out by all the violence that had shaken her life. She ventured through the town with a drive to acquire a piano, and she had found one indeed and purchased it without a second thought.

The piano was her escape, a place she retired to every day AJ fell asleep and Tony left for work, and what had been a time she once dreaded for, it became a time she'd looked forward to everyday. Her mind lost in a world of black and white, where flats and sharps provided the most wondrous of hums one could ever make.

Even though she hadn't played the instrument for over three decades it flooded back to her at the first touch of its keys. Her fingers were hesitant at first to comply with such beauty but soon the rooms that stifled her from life were filled with a vivacious sentiment.

"I used to play the piano you know," her eyes fluttered open at the sound of Tony's voice. And before she knew it, he was by her side and his fingers began to explore the keys like a captain on a ship. He knew where everything was, but was just weary for the rocks.

"I remember you telling me that." He didn't speak after that, and as Ziva observed him she knew that he'd lost himself in that world of phenomenal resonance and acoustic just like she had.

Ziva was overcomed with a new sensation as four hands moved across the ivory keys. It wasn't a piece either knew or had played before; it was an improvisational melancholic grace of notes that they seemed to just know when and which to hit.

His hands were the first to retreat from the piano and it rose to cup her face and gently rotated her head to face his. He leaned in and placed his succulent lips onto hers and gave her a tender warm kiss.

"Happy Birthday," he whispered softly and rested their foreheads against each others.

"You should say that to AJ."

"It's yours too…"

.::.

A/N: Begin the countdown! There are only four more chapters after this! Reviews are always cherished, and I might just give you a sneak peak…

-Ash


	18. 5 Years Ago

**5 Years Ago**

.::.

"_Truly wonderful the mind of a child is."_

_**-Yoda**_

.::.

There were many parents and supervisors around as Tony and Ziva both sat on the wooden bench as they watched their little son play with the other kids among the nursery. The day wasn't looking all too bad and they decided since they had nothing better to do they'd head out earlier. Upon arrival they greatly regretted their decision as they were encased with ear piercing screams and wails of crying children. If one wasn't already enough…

And out of pure boredom their heads strayed off to the wonderful simple minds of the little tykes that ran around them like they were high on drugs, though there were some that looked like they were drunk.

"I spy with my little eye something beginning with "U"," Tony had said abruptly, his gaze still somewhere out there.

"What?" Ziva gave the clueless expression she got when she mixed up idioms.

"You know… the game…" he was met with a slight shrug, "You pick something then you say _I spy with my little eye something beginning with 'the first letter of the chosen thing'."_

"Oh I get it, let me see…" her eyes scanned the area and her eyebrows furrowed, "urine?" Tony cracked up in laughter as he followed Ziva's train of sight unto a little boy taking a little pit stop for everyone to see.

"Not exactly what I had in mind," he recovered and wiped the little tear that had escaped his eye.

"How about… "her eyes inspected the area in front of them once again and concluded with a shake of the head,"I give up, I do not know, what is it?"

"You," he tapped her on the nose.

"That doesn't actually work Tony," she slapped him on the chest playfully.

"It does! You're unique, unbelievably beautiful and might I add uhh-mazing," he winked at her.

"Cheat! That is so gooey, could you get any gooey-er? That does not sound right…"

"I think what you mean is _cheesy_ sweet cheeks, and mind you I can get much cheesier," he wiggled his brows seductively and before he could continue she pitched an unusual question at him.

"Do you ever wonder if this world only existed for you?" her face turned to his and was met with a lifted eyebrow, "I mean, have you ever thought that if you left this world it would leave with you?"

"Strange question, but that's probably a question for Abby or McGee with all their science explanations." He turned his attention back towards the children.

"Humor me." A pause.

"It is something I think many people ponder upon, whether if everything is made up for us only but I guess in a way yes… in a sense that no one is ever going to live the way I did, so technically the world I lived in would leave with me," and this time it was her turn to lift an eyebrow, "What? Did you expect me to say that I'd create a potion to live forever so we could always cherish our love?"

"No, and you have proven me wrong, you _can_ come up with cheesier quotes," she chuckled, "how did we get to this anyways?"

"You were the one who came up with such an absurd question," he tilted his head to the side and the angle of the sun's light captured her face in utter perfection.

"I love you Tony," her faced turned somber but was tinged with adoration as she whispered into the air very quietly, but he had still heard her loud and clear.

"I love you too Ziva… would you like me to say that I'd create that potion to live forever… oww" before he could finish she burst out laughing and slapped him square on the chest.

"I think you might want to take back the part where no one will ever live the way you did," she laughed.

"What? Why?" She pointed towards AJ where he was surrounded by three little girls, all playing with him. AJ had acquired Tony's piercing green eyes and Ziva's dark brown curly hair, but they kept it short so he looked like the spitting image of Tony and apparently he had the DiNozzo charm.

The two ruptured into a cackle of laughter as one of the girls fell clumsily over her own feet and her lips met with little AJ's.

"I wonder if he made that girl go a little fuzzy inside," Tony wrapped his hand around Ziva's shoulders as her cheeks burned red from embarrassment.

_And after all this time, he'd still got it…_

.::.

A/N: So a fun little chapter for you all! Review!

-Ash.


	19. 4 Years Ago

**4 Years Ago**

.::.

"_Life is just one damned thing after another."  
__**-Elbert Hubbard**_

.::.

The day had started out like any other, until she heard the sound of a loud thud on the living room floor. When she'd reached the door she was met with a splatter of blood all over the ground and the source of it from Tony's form heaving up and down violently, his breathing came in sharp inhalations as if he was choking.

She'd put off calling 911, because she could get him to the hospital quicker. She drove like a mad woman as she flew through the streets at a speed that even scared her. When she reached the hospital entrance Tony's violent coughs and jerky movements had subsided to a little twitch here and there.

"I'm fine Ziva, just take me back home," she ignored his plead and dragged him with AJ towards the ER. Ziva and AJ sat impatiently as the doctor took Tony to another examination room to look further into his situation.

"Ima, is Abba going to be okay?" AJ climbed on top of Ziva's lap and played with her hair.

"Yes, Abba is perfectly fine," and as she lied she wondered if even AJ had believed her.

"Okay Ima, can I go play with the toys over there?" he pointed towards the corner.

"Of course," she patted him on the back.

Ziva glanced up at the clock on the wall, it had been more than an hour since Tony had left with the doctor, and now she was really beginning to worry. And moments later the doctor emerged from behind the doors, but Tony was nowhere to be seen.

"Mrs. DiNozzo?" the doctor called as he glanced down at the clipboard he was holding. She stood and approached him.

"Is everything okay?"

"Ahh… we ran some tests and it'll take at least a couple of hours before the results get back, but I've admitted your husband into our care for the night," the doctor's words came out hesitant as if he was holding back information.

"And?"

"I don't want to scare you or put any doubts in your head, but I looked through his medical history and the symptoms fit…" his eyes were doing everything but looking at her, and she knew it had to be bad news.

"Fit what?"

"Lung cancer," there was a long pause, "but I can't be sure until the results come back, I'll inform you as soon as it does, he's in room 104." The doctor gave her a small reassuring smile before disappearing behind the doors he had come through.

She stood there for awhile until she felt a little hand tug at her finger.

"Ima…" and though he didn't know quite what to say she knew he was concerned.

"Come on, let us go find Abba," she picked him up in her arms and headed towards Tony's allocated room. It was depressing as she walked past numerous rooms occupied with ill patients; she couldn't and didn't want to think Tony in that state.

The door swung open with a little squeak and AJ was out of her hands at the immediate sight of Tony.

"Abba!" he jumped onto the bed and hugged Tony, she closed the door slowly, taking a deep breath before turning around.

"Hey there!" Tony tickled his son until their laughter filled the room and possible the whole hallway. She gave a poignant smile and walked towards them then took a seat next to the bed.

"Hey kiddo, why don't you go play with the toys over there," Tony lifted him off of the bed then turned towards Ziva.

"The doctor told you?" his voice serious.

"Yes," Her voice sliced right through him and he hated doing this to her, she'd been through enough and this was just another burden on her, "it was the pneumonic plague right?"

"Yeh, but I'm sure it's nothing," and he wanted to believe it himself but he couldn't. He grabbed her hand and gave it a light squeeze, "we'll get through this, I promise."

"Don't…" and his eyes stared at her," it is not one you can keep." Those words broke his heart, because she was right, he couldn't keep it and he could feel the repeat of violent shakes begin to strike him again.

.::.

It was now late into the night and they were all waiting anxiously for the results to come back. Ziva had called Abby to inform her of Tony's illness, and both she and McGee had arrived as soon as they could.

The room was filled with small chatter when the doctor gave a light knock on the door and entered.

"The results have come back," he took a sigh, "my fears were confirmed, the cancer was most likely triggered by your prior infection from the pneumonic plague."

"How long do I have?" Tony asked, his voice tainted with fear.

"I'm not confident on a specific time frame, but I'm going to pass this case onto an oncologist colleague of mine," he picked up his pager and sent a message presumably to the oncologist, "he'll be here soon." He nodded his head and shut the door with a small click.

"Tim," everyone turned to look at Tony, "I want you to have the team… I'm not gonna lie I know I'm going to die."

"Abba? What do you mean?" AJ's quiet voice echoed from the corner, and everyone's head turned to look at the little innocent boy, Tony thanked Abby as she approached the little tot.

The oncologist entered the room no longer than ten minutes after, he introduced himself as Dr. Kingsley.

"I've looked through the scans and results of the tests conducted and…" he stopped and signaled if Tony wanted these people around as he told him, Tony simply nodded his head, "I can conduct a Bronchoscopy to be more definite but you have roughly a year, maybe a little more."

.::.

A/N: I'm not completely sure of the procedures of these tests nor do I know the time it takes to get the results, so I apologize if I got any of those wrong.

We're coming to the end very, very soon! Thank you to those who have followed from the start!


	20. 2 to 3 Years Ago

**2 to 3 Years Ago**

.::.

"_There are no good-byes, where ever we are,  
you'll always be in my heart."_

_**-Anonymous**_

.::.

Ziva had just dropped AJ at the nursery and was on her way to pick up some groceries and essentials. And as she was driving her mind couldn't help but fill the deafening silence with thoughts. It seemed like nothing could go right, that she'd been hit left, right, up and down, in the face with nothing other than catastrophes and misfortunes.

Her training decades ago had taught her to avoid just this, there was a reason she was denied of love, she was never _supposed _to fall in love. Because love is the greatest weapon one could ever use against another, the desire to protect loved ones for anything was the biggest weakness. But it all comes down to the inevitable; there is only one in life.

Death.

And she's been proven over and over that it will always reign, it was like a bully, it took greedily and gave nothing back but a laugh in the face.

She hated this, hated that whenever left alone she couldn't win the battles within, and the demons would keep coming back to haunt her because they knew they could. Not even pulling up all the castle walls that towered high into the skies could defend her.

She parked the car in the parking lot and pulled herself out. Her phone rang incessantly as she entered into the store; she dug out the annoying device and answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hey Ziva! It's Abby" her voice shrilled through the phone and Ziva had to hold it away from her ear for a slight moment.

"Why hello Abby, how are you?"

"I'm ecstatic, guess what happened?" Abby paused for a second, hardly giving Ziva any time to guess, not that she was going to anyways, "I'm pregnant! That guy can shove his words back into his mouth!"

"Who Abby?" Ziva asked as she picked out food from the shelves and placed them in the trolley.

"Oh you know that guy who was freakishly honest and spoke only of the obvious? It was a very long time ago, I don't know why I remembered him maybe it was his words," then there was silence on the other end. Ziva didn't respond, she didn't really want to hear one of Abby's long talks right now.

"Ziva are you still there?" Abby called into the phone.

"Yes, do continue," Ziva said. She really wasn't in the mood to talk at that moment, so Abby could have all the stage.

"Anyways, what he said totally scared me, he implied that I was avoiding a real relationship because I was already in one with my work, I mean what a jerk! You don't go around and tell that to people's face…" Abby rambled on about people and something about feelings. What had intrigued Ziva and caused her to zone out was the words Abby had said a mere few seconds ago, and she realized that was exactly who she was before.

She had always put her work first, do anything for her work like one would for a lover. And that brought a smile to her face because she no longer was that person, she'd rid of that horrible way of living a lifetime ago and now she fell into the category of a wife to a husband.

A wife to Tony.

And at the thought of his name the smile that played on her lips disappeared and it felt like a meteor had hit her. She pushed away the thoughts because they were beginning to make her insane, that's how it all starts Tony had said on a case not long ago. You fall into a deep hole of memories and forget to live your life.

"_You're only here once, it is up to you what you do with it, but don't waste it."_

His words, though obvious and very matter-of-a-factly was something many people took for granted every day. Amidst her thoughts she finally absorbed what Abby had said.

"Wait!" Ziva stopped Abby in mid sentence, "You are pregnant?"

"Yes Ziva!" Abby responded back optimistically.

"Congratulations Abby!" Ziva was at lost for words, she wanted to say more but the words seemed stuck.

"We'll celebrate tonight, come over!" and without an answer Abby cut her off, leaving a still stunned Ziva staring longingly at her phone.

.::.

Ziva watched as AJ ran up the porch of the driveway and jumped desperately as he tried to press the doorbell and then after realizing he was not going to get anywhere with it he settled on knocking on the door. Ziva smiled at his childish ways and joined him at the front door where she pressed the doorbell.

They were met with McGee when the door opened; AJ greeted him with a hug to the leg and ran inside to the lounge room.

"Hey there Ziva," McGee opened the door wider, "how are you?"

"Oh, it is just like any other day," she sighed and put on a fixed smile.

"Abby's in the kitchen," he gave her a slight smile as he closed the door and headed towards the lounge to accompany AJ. Ziva stood next to the fridge as she watched Abby cut the vegetables; she always found it amusing to watch people think they're alone. It took a few minutes before Abby noticed Ziva's presence.

"Ziva!" she turned around and hugged her friend.

"Abby can I ask you for a favor?" Ziva's face turned serious and Abby's reciprocated.

"Of course, what is it?"

"Can you look after AJ for me tonight?" Abby didn't need to know the reason; she could see it all in Ziva's face. And what kind of human being would she be if she said no to those pleading eyes.

"Absolutely! You take as long as you want Ziva," she reassured her, and the look on Ziva's face was so sad she felt like crying for her. She gave her a gentle squeeze on the shoulder.

Time seemed to drip by slowly like a leaking tap; Ziva couldn't wait to get out of there even though she was very happy for Abby. But fuck it all, because she wanted to be happy right now, and it was depressing being around all this.

She waited until AJ had fallen asleep before giving him a sweet kiss to his head and thanking Abby and McGee for taking care of him. The moment the doors closed she felt like she was lost again, trapped in a parallel universe where she was nothing but a visible ghost. The demons were coming back and she didn't know how long her barriers would hold out for, all she knew was that she had to get to the hospital as soon as possible.

.::.

It was a little past midnight when she snuck into Tony's room, he hadn't left the bed for months and it killed both her and him. She crept towards his bed slowly, and just with his presence those demons were backing away, fearing for their lives as they retreated and ran.

She pulled up a chair to his bed side, tears threatened to fall from her eyes as she watched his weak body move up and down in slumber. He stirred as she grabbed his hand, and that was when all the walls shattered and she wailed out in tears.

"Don't go, don't go," she whispered so softly it was hardly audible, but in the silence of the room they felt so strident that Tony felt guilty for causing such horrible sounds. His body felt like it was going to give out any minute, but he fought up as much strength as he could to pull her from the chair to the bed.

"I'm so sorry," he cradled her in his arms as he began to heave out painfully as tears fell in sync with hers. She buried her head deeper into his chest as if she was trying to force them to become one.

"Wwwhhhy?" the words struggled to escape her lips, and she felt like hitting something because this just wasn't fair. Though the tears were escaping freely, he knew the dams would break completely if he spoke.

And so he explored her, because he knew this would be the last time. The last time he'd hold her in his arms, the last time his hand would touch her soft skin. He treasured her smell, the feel of her hair against him and her warmth that was emanating out of her. He moved his vigorously shaking hand towards hers, grabbed it and brought it to his heart.

"You'll always be with me… in my heart," Ziva's eyes darted away from his face, from everything that resembled him because it was just too agonizing. But he touched her cheek gently and forced her to look into his eyes, his eyes a deep shade of majestic green and hers a mixture of all the brown hues as she revealed everything.

Her body was heaving fiercely as she kissed his lips, because that would be the only thing that could dodge his eyes. Time was nearing and she knew it, she mirrored what he had done earlier as she touched his face, memorizing every little part of him, the way his nose curved, how his mouth inched outwards from his face that made it so tempting to kiss.

The life was being sucked out of her as she lay as still as she could next to him.

"I wish… I wish," she could see the pain as he struggled to let the words out, "I wish I wasn't such an ass when we met." And she wanted to tell him he was not an ass, but she couldn't bring herself to find a voice to say it.

"Tell AJ I love him," he choked out, the tears proving to be too much for the both of them, "I love you…"

With their hands intertwined, his other hand still tangled in her hair and hers on his chest, she was met with the heart wrenching sound of a monotone hum. His body stilled and relaxed.

She screamed out as loud as she could, everything that had been eating her flowed out and she didn't even care when a nurse opened the door, shocked at the sudden outburst.

He felt so real in her arms, but she knew he was gone; all that was left was a shell.

She stayed in his arms until the next morning…

.::.

A/N: I cried so hard writing this chapter, you won't believe how many tissues I went through. So if you cried please take a tissue as you leave.

Next chapter will be the last.

-Ash


	21. Present

**Present**

.::.

"_Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,  
love leaves a memory no one can steal."_

_**-From a headstone in Ireland.**_

.::.

"Ma'am, would you like something else?" the waitress asked politely as she cleaned up the remainders of Ziva's previous orders.

"No thank you," Ziva gave a weak smile and tipped the waitress a generous amount. Her eyes panned out towards the street, watching people walk by, how carefree they all looked. She shied away from the transparent divider and flipped her phone open to check the time.

1524.

Her eyes returned to stare out the glass; they'd be arriving anytime now. Abby had taken AJ out for a "field trip" as she had liked to call it, to the zoo. Her vision flickered from the fairly busy street towards the insides of the café that she now sat in. It was empty for the most part, except for her and another lady in the corner reading the newspaper.

She gave a rough sigh as she waited for them, tapping her feet against the wooden floorboard relentlessly. The eyes behind the newspaper peeped up and eyed at Ziva's feet disapprovingly. Ziva calmed her foot and settled with gazing idly at the sky that was free of rippled clouds.

Out of the monotonous blue a disturbance of colours materialized, almost as if from thin air. It was a hummingbird no doubt, Ziva had read about it in books but never had she saw one amidst the DC sky. It was amazing how it could flap its wings so quickly that it created wavers of air around it. It's delicately structured frame sustained its position in the air and its mirror like eyes seemed to stare back at her, mocking her in a way.

How amazing it would be to be able to fly to conquer the air, Ziva thought. Sure there were planes that could tick that off the list for you, but to sustain flight by pure human strength, to defy gravity and laugh at it in the face; that was what she thought being _free_ felt like.

And she had felt it once, but inevitably like everything does, it died. She was blessed with something that a human was never supposed to understand or comprehend and that was why she had fallen and now suffered from its consequences.

She'd took that risk where she exchanged her heart and everything with it for that feeling of freedom and liberty, however long it had lasted. But she would never change that, it had given her the chance to live, the chance to wonder. _Love_ had given that to her, though first came the reward then the cost of it.

"Ima!" she hadn't even noticed the door open until AJ hopped onto her legs.

"Heyyy! How was your trip to the zoo?" she picked him up in her arms and his legs came up to straggle around her waist.

"It was great! Aunt Abby showed me everything in the zoo, we saw monkeys and elephants!" she laughed at his juvenility.

"And what was your favourite animal?"

"I think that'd be the snake," Abby joined in and sat down opposite the two, "he spent most of the time in the reptile sanctuary."

"Thanks Abby," Ziva gave her a comforting smile.

"Oh no problems! Anytime! Hey look I'd love to stay, but I've gotta head home," Abby gathered her stuff and rose, "I'll see you soon." And just like that she was gone.

"Are you hungry AJ?" He responded with a nod, "and what would you like?"

"Pasta!" she laughed at that, he'd always had a thing for Italian dishes.

"Want Ima to cook or we go to a restaurant?" he pondered for a moment, bringing his finger to his lips as he decided.

"Ima cook!" she readjusted him on her hip and downed the last of her coffee, then exited the café.

.::.

"AJ! Dinner is ready!" Ziva announced from the kitchen and a few moments later the little tyke bounced into the kitchen with so much energy that he could put Abby to shame, "you grab the forks." He did as he was told and pulled out two forks from the drawers then raced into the dining room.

There was a peaceful stillness between the two as they chowed down the spaghetti. And she couldn't help but watch him as he twirled the fork around the strings of pasta then place them in his mouth, and how his eyes came up to meet hers from time to time.

Those eyes that resembled so much of Tony's, and just like his they morphed from the deep depths of green to a near blue. It was like looking at Tony every time those big round orbs looked up at her. She gave a complacent smile and rubbed the sauce from the corners of his mouth.

"So what did you have lunch today?"

"Aunt Abby got us fish and chips and hot dogs, she had two corndogs too, I don't know why but she loves them," he spoke through mouthfuls of food.

"Sounds delicious, what do you want to do after dinner?"

"Movie!" there wasn't a single thought to his answer; he'd loved movies ever since she could remember.

"Well you have many, which one do you want to watch?"

"I'll surprise you!" he said as he finished off the last of his pasta then disappeared into the living room. Ziva cleaned up and washed the dishes before she joined him in front of the TV. She plunked down on the soft cushions and hugged him to her side as they watched the movie.

They weren't half way through the movie before AJ had fallen sound asleep. She ran her fingers through his hair, and took a moment to relish the silkiness of his curls against her skin. His body was cradled in her hands as she carried him towards his room. She placed him cautiously onto his bed, careful not to stir him from his sleep.

She turned to leave but stopped at the door to watch him and savor his presence for as long as she could. She exhaled a shaky breath and switched off the light, the door was half closed when she heard his voice.

"Ima…" she poked her head back into the room.

"Yes?"

"Can you sing that song you sang to Abba?" and she felt like telling him no, that it would just drag up sad memories and she didn't want him to see her cry. But she couldn't deny his plea, so instead she walked towards his bed and sat against the wall. She couldn't even bring herself to turn on the lights. The words fell quietly off her lips smoothly as she sang the little prayer.

_El malei rachamim,  
shokhen ba-m'romim,  
ha-m'tzei m'nuchah n'khonah,  
tachat kanfei ha-sh'khinah,  
b'ma'alot k'doshim u't'horim,  
c'zohar ha-rakiah maz'hirim,  
l'nishmot yakireinu u'k'dosheinu,  
she-hal'khu l'olamam,  
Ana ba'al ha-rachamim ha-s'tirem b'tzel k'nafekha l'olamim,  
u-tz'ror bitz'ror ha-chayim et nishmatam,  
Adonai hu nachalatam v'yanuchu b'shalom al mish'kabam  
V'nomar: Amayn._

She refrained herself from shuddering from the tears that had fallen. She gave him a final kiss on the head before she closed the door and retired to her own bedroom.

She was flat on her back after she brushed her teeth and slipped into the pajamas. She curled up into a small ball like she did every night, and fought the tears that had already fallen from her face. She missed the hands that she'd grown so familiar to being secured around her, and the warmth and affection that she had said good night to every night. Through her soft sniffles she hadn't noticed AJ had snuck into her room, something that Tony had said he'd acquired from her.

"Ima?" she couldn't find the voice to respond her son.

"Ima?" and she envied how he could illustrate such passion and understanding at such a tender age, "I miss Abba too."

She gathered him in his arms and held onto him, because he was the closest thing that resembled Tony and she just needed it at that moment.

"Abba is very proud of you…"

.::.

A/N: Yes… that is the end… a sad ending. If the Hebrew song has any mistakes, please excuse me I do not have any knowledge of the language or the song (P.S It is the song she sang to Ari in Gibbs' basement).

This story did a lot better than I could've ever dreamt of, smashed the half a century mark on the reviews so for that I thank you for following me through this long incredible journey.

Leave a review, favourite lines? Favourite chapter?

Honorable mentions to:

**Alidiabin  
NCIS-EW-HP-Gleek  
tivamcabby5  
Anonymous033  
DiNUTZzo  
abercrombieluvr10**

You guys kept me writing and finishing this piece! Be on a look out, after I come back from my holiday I'll be starting a new fluff multi-chap. A drastic change I know… hehe

Until next time my friends!

-Ash.


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